Serenity & Fear

It's been a while since I last posted on my blog, but I have to say that it's been a very troubling time for everyone, myself included.

I'm afraid.  I'm fearful that every time I walk out my door or get into my car I'm going to come back with COVID and yes I'm in the high risk group, not only due to my age but also because I'm a T1D (Type 1 Diabetic), so I'm afraid. During the past month when people were protesting I wanted to be out there with them, expressing my outrage over the plethora of deaths caused by police, the deaths caused by ignorance, the deaths caused by hatred, but I realized that I didn't want to risk my life by being in large crowds.  I would need to express my outrage in a different way.  I'm still trying to figure out the best way, but this blog is about how to find serenity in our everyday lives, so that's what I will concentrate on.

Last night I had a really bad night's sleep.  I was obsessing over a grant I had submitted through the federal governments website,  it's something that happens to me every time I submit a grant through a portal.  I always think that I've forgotten something, clicked the wrong button, etc and this time was no different, the obsession overtook the sleep.  I swear I tried everything in my own playbook to bring the serenity back into play, but no luck.  I finally gave up, came downstairs, ate breakfast, dressed and sat down at my desk to double-check everything and of course, everything was just fine.  I think this must be some really weird quirk in my personality and I'm going to have to find a way to get it under control.  I have to learn to let things go, not just in work but also in life.  You can't control everything, nor should you try.

This is a fear of failure,  Fear has become part of our daily lives now.  We turn on the news, or read email, our social media, websites and it's in our face.  At some point during the day I have made it my mission to disconnect from all of this input.  I have actually taken to having a full hour long lunch break.  I eat, I do my word search and I read romance novels.  This is my break from the real world.  It's escapism and it's how I've learned to deal with the fear and bring back serenity.  Last night or rather very early this morning, when I couldn't fall back asleep, I finally gave in and picked up my romance novel and read for 45 minutes before I dozed back off.  It helped me close down the fear temporarily and silence my brain.

My recommendation for the days ahead.  Decompress, escape from the noise, escape from the fear, close your eyes, take a breathe and visualize beauty in the world, it will eventually return to us and for the moment let's just see it in our minds.

I read romance novels and photograph flowers, sunsets and nature that surrounds me to remind me of the beauty in the world and that's what calms my mind and brings me serenity.

Take time in our day to find yours.

Spring Beauty, Some Sadness and Serenity

Over the weekend, I spent a lot of time outside - walking, sitting on my deck or sitting at my desk with the sliders open to the backyard.  The world was beautiful, but in a solemn way.  Sun was shining, breeze blowing, birds chirping, colors abound, but there was a stillness to it all, people were not really outside enjoying the days and that's sad.  Covid-19 has changed our landscape and it's changed our lives forever.

Change can be good or change can be bad, but change is always difficult.  We have our minds set on how things should be and we don't want change, but change is inevitable and we must learn to accept things we can't control.  Some people have a very hard time with this concept.  I personally have a high tolerance for change.  I like certain things to be done a certain way but when something happens to upend that I don't usually freak out.  There are people in my life who cannot bend, who become stuck in a mindframe and can't or better yet won't leave it.  So how do you get around that? 

Over the past couple of months I have found that it's sometimes just easier to ignore it that try to convince the other person to look at things differently.  When someone is so dug in there's really not much you can do about it without bringing yourself into that vortex.  So I ignore, I walk away or I go for a walk or I go somewhere else in the house and bury myself in my Kindle app.

One thing I have learned from this exploration of finding serenity is that why I can give you all suggestions based on what I do to find serenity, I cannot find it for you.  When the people surrounding me get to be too much, too much negativity, too much talking and not enough listening than the best thing I can do for myself and for the other person, is to walk away.

In this very strange time we are now engrossed in, finding serenity in the moment is imperative.  We need to find a way out of the negativity, out of the sadness, out of the constant news cycles and move into a way we can bring back the joy, the beauty and the serenity into our lives on a daily basis.

Join me in the quest.  Send me your ideas, your comments and your thoughts.

Take a deep cleansing breath, go outside and watch the world go by, enjoy the sounds of birds, of the quiet, enjoy the sunlight, enjoy the rain, enjoy the blooming flowers and trees.  All of this might help you locate your serene place.  I know that it helps me.

Find your serenity from within yourself.

Serenity, Sadness and of course Spring.

Yesterday was a rainy, windy dreary day and my whole body, mind and soul felt that way as well.  I just couldn't get motivated to do anything, so I wallowed in gloom all day.  I really couldn't get a handle on why I felt this way but I did so I just went with the feeling.

The thing is perhaps it's just what was needed at that moment in time.  I think that sometimes we just need to give into gloomy feelings, we just can't get stuck there.  So I allowed myself to feel sad, to feel mopey, to feel the enormity of what's happening all around us and then around dinner time, the clouds parted, the rain and thunderstorms stopped and the sun came out, so I did what I talk about in these blog posts - I stretched, opened the sliders and walked out onto my deck and breathed in the fresh air.  I looked around at the backyard and saw that there was very little damage from the storms, just a few overturned lawn chairs and I took a few more deep deep breaths and found my serenity.

People keep saying that this "shelter in place" is our new reality but I beg to differ.  I believe that this is just a blip in reality and that this blip in time maybe needed to reset our world, our lives and perhaps give us some focus on what should really matter to us - family, respect, love, caring, finding the joy in our lives and the beauty in our world.

The new reality will be what we choose to do once this pandemic begins to wane.  Will we return to "normalcy" by being obsessed with who has more money or more power than we do or will we be able to remember that for the past couple of months we have changed our perspectives, changed our focus put the emphasis on our families, on our neighbors, on those around us who have quietly been there for us all along- grocery clerks, restaurant employees, doctors, nurses, medical assistants, hospital staff, the list goes on and on.

Serenity is about being in touch with your inner peace.  It's a very necessary focus for maintaining stability in this very unusual time.  So at least once a day I walk away from the walls that surround me and I step outside and listen (which is now far more soothing since there are very few cars on the road) and then I close my eyes and breathe.  All I need is a few minutes and it resets my thoughts, resets my inner peace and locates my serenity.

Find your serenity each and every day.  It works for me and hopefully you'll find a little peace from locating your serenity.

Please Be Safe, Keep Your Distance and Keep Healthy!

Spring in my backyard.  This is the beauty that helps me locate my serenity.

Confinement, Family, a Little Chaos and a lot of Serenity.

So it's a very different world we are currently living in and I don't know about you but for me, it's been very very very weird.

I'm not used to just sitting at home working from my desk or sitting at my breakfast bar or on the couch with my laptop, mobile phone and IPad.  I'm used to going out and meeting with possible donors, having face-to-face meetings at coffee shops, I'm not used to doing Zoom conferencing and text messaging constantly and I'm not really sure that I like it, but it's the new normal and I will survive.

Daily stress is now a part of our lives and we need tools to help manage it.  I'm no expert but my tool is detoxing with nature.  It's how I've been able to find my serenity on a daily basis.  Each day I try to take a little bit of time to just walk outside, sometimes I walk for a couple of miles keeping social distancing in mind, sometimes it's simply walking out into my yard.  No matter what I always have my phone with me, not to answer calls but to listen to zen type music and to take photographs of the beauty that surrounds me.  I'm finding that each day there are changes in colors, changes in scents and wonder all around - that's how I maintain my serenity.  I pause, observe and photograph.

This might not be your thing, but it's definitely mine.  I think that everyone needs to find a place for just themselves, a moment that you can escape from the constant inputs of news, of social media, of chaos and noise in your home, or even in your place of business if you're a doctor, nurse, medical staff or first responder.  Take a moment to find a little peace, find a little bit of joy, find a little piece of nature, of music, of serenity.  It may helps us survive the chaos.

Stress is part of life and how we manage it is what will keep us sane.  Perhaps by locating our serenity it will keep us being nice to each other and keep our conversations pleasant.

Please be safe, please maintain your social distance, stay healthy and find your serenity!

Finding Serenity In Close Quarters

Well, this has been a very trying time for all of us, whether you're a senior, a middle of the roader, a millennial, a college student or a kid.  Each group, each individual, each family, each couple has had to face a new reality and it's tough, contentious and maybe even a little depressing. 

But, I know that we can get through this with a little perseverance, a lot of patience, a lot of laughter and each day a little serenity.  The question is how to locate your serenity in the midst of the chaos.

Being stuck in my home with only my spouse, my cat, my mobile phone and of course the internet could drive me nuts, but instead I'm sitting in front of patio doors looking out on a picture perfect day, a day I will use for writing, going for a walk and just listening to the quiet and calmness that now surrounds my community.

We live (usually) in a frenetic, fast-paced world, a world that is in constant movement and now we are faced with quiet, why not use this time to our advantage?

There are always ways to connect with the world and why not use time to reach out to others in isolation throughout the global community.  I write this blog for me but it's also a way to connect to others who are unknown to me personally.  I post and use twitter and sometimes Facebook, this is a way for us to reach out globally to people we don't always know.  Perhaps at some point when this pandemic is beginning to wind down we will realize that we have a lot more in common than what actually separates us.

So, to locate your serenity, find a few minutes each day for yourself.  During these crazy days I recommend the daily shower, light a candle or turn down the lights, put on soft comforting music and as the hot water slusses over your body, simply close your eyes, breath deeply a locate a moment of serenity.

We will get through this, we will be stronger and we will hopefully find a way to peacefully coexist with our global community.

May you find your serenity today and always.

Serenity when all around isn't.

I know it has been quite a while since I've posted, so I'm going to make it up to you by posting several times over the next few weeks.

These posts have always been about locating serenity in our lives and over the past few months I have found that listening to news media outlets has been anything but peaceful.  It has been a lot of vitriol, hatred, fear mongering, over and over and over and it's from all sides of the equation.  It's exhausting.  I've have decided to maintain some serenity in my daily life I must disconnect from the world's noise and instead I read, I listen to calming music, I stare out the door at the birds feasting off the feeder, but I do not engage with the voices of hatred.

In an ugly world we must learn how to be nice to anyone and everyone.  As I sit at my desk writing, my spouse just opened the door to the backyard and the silence was broken by the birds singing.

Spring is quickly approaching and while March has certainly come in like a lamb instead of lion, perhaps we can take a page from nature and enjoy the beauty of what surrounds us, enjoy the greening of the grass, the buds of trees and flowers, the songs of the birds and the colors of nature and our world.

March reminds us of what we can look forward to in the spring.  Joy, calm, beauty and serenity must become a part of our daily living. Let's try to end the vitriol and begin this burgeoning new season filled with serenity.

Talk to you soon.

Serenity in the Joy of the Moment

These past couple of weeks have been filled with joy, trepidation, breathing sighs of relief, the wonder of the world that surrounds us and how very very special a new life is.

14 days ago I became a grandmother for the 1st time.  I watched my beautiful daughter and worried son-in-law bring a beautiful baby boy into the world (no I wasn't in the room the whole time, I waited in a waiting room filled with other expectant grandparents and siblings).

I didn't get to see my grandson immediately due to a complication that was known about prior to the birth, but I visited him the next day in the ccvcu.  He's very cute even while hooked up to many monitors, tubes and i.v. lines and no I'm not just saying that because his my grandson, I am saying that because yes he's my grandson, but that's what many of the residents, nurses, p.as. and doctors have said.

As I sat in the unit looking down on my grandson, who just happened to smile up at me (i'm going to believe that until the day I die), I wondered what my parents would have felt if they were still alive, I wondered whether they have the power to intercede on the baby's behave to insure successful outcomes.

There have been times in my life that I have questioned my belief structure, but as I look around at the beauty that surrounds me each and every day I have to believe that there is a reason for joy when we truly need it most.

One of the days as I was walking towards to the hospital I stopped to watch a toddler revelling in the pure joy of playing in the puddles on the sidewalk, he was adorably decked out in rain boots and a yellow slicker with cat ears on top and for 4-5 minutes he just stomped in the puddles with his mother standing off to the side watching her son filled with joy and happiness.  I was amazing that the people round didn't stop to watch this, they were to busy on their phones, or walking with quickend steps wrapped in their own worlds to see the joy in that one simple moment.

In these days of autumn with leaves changing, turbulent times in the world, I am more convinced than ever before that our survival will only be determined by what joy, beauty and serenity we can bring into our daily lives.

So if you come upon a toddler jumping for joy in puddles, stop and find your own joy, jump in a puddle, smile at your children/grandchildren for no particular reason, put down your phone and look out at the sunny day or the clouds or the rain, sigh and smile. 

We need to take time during our turbulent lives to locate our joy, find our smile, this will help locate your serenity.

May our lives be filled with joy and serenity.