Serenity & New Year's Resolutions

Well it's time for a new year and I have seen a lot written about attainable New Year's Resolutions.  So the question of the day is What is your New Year's Resolution?

I know that over the next few weeks I will be attempting to figure out what exactly I would like to accomplish in the upcoming year.  These are goals for both personal and professional.  On the personal side I know that I need to exercise more, watch what I eat and not be so willing to just roll over when I am faced with decisions allowing everyone to input their opinions on me.  It will take initiative for me to become a more decisive person.  Over my life I think that in order to not make waves or be argumentative that I simply gave in.  I have done this with both personal and professional decisions and it's making me a very unhappy human being.  So no more.

I must learn to stand my ground.  Now this doesn't mean that I won't listen to other opinions or take circumstances into consideration, but for now I must learn to believe in myself.  I cannot and will not allow people to run over my feelings, my opinions or my beliefs.  This goes for all aspects of my life.

I believe that serenity can be found daily by believing in yourself.  Through most of my life this hasn't been the case.  I was filled with self-doubt and still am even as I write this, but my goal and resolution for 2013 and for the rest of my life is to change this one aspect of my life and I truly believe that it will enhance the every day serenity I find.

A Very Happy New Year to You!!!!

Finding Serenity in a Full House

Well, it's holiday season and our neighborhoods are filled with lights, traffic, people who take the holiday spirit a little too far, nice people, grumpy people and houses filled with people.

So the question is how do you find serenity in this chaotic few weeks?

I have 2 unemployed adult children, one of whom is now living at home and the older one decided to escape from NYC and come home for a visit.  Now don't get wrong, when you have lived sans children for a couple of years having them back is fun.  I do like being able to converse at dinner (husband is on assignment in another state and comes home for the weekend), but I find that I can unexpectedly get frustrated and tense when they get loud, obnoxious and what I perceive as disrespectful.  So how can I detach from this and find my serenity and my happy place?

There are several ways I have found to disengage from the craziness.
1.  If it's late in the day a nice glass of wine in a quiet spot, if its the afternoon I will make myself a cup of herbal tea and sip it in a quiet corner with my Kindle.  I have found that when I'm frustrated, angry, tense or unhappy reading a romantic novel helps remove me from the stress and envelops me into a fantasy world for a few minutes.  Also, the characters in these stories seems to have problems much more serious than mine, so I end up feeling much better about life in general.

2. Music - I have mentioned this before but laying in a very dark room at night surrounded by soft meditation music seems to cull the stress and allow a deep sleep.

3.  Leave the house and go for a walk, especially in the evening when people have their houses decorated with beautiful lights.  I find stars, the moon and Christmas lights to be magical.

So my advice for finding serenity during chaotic times - look around you and take in the good, the beautiful, the laughter and the love.  Have a glass of wine, a cup of tea, take walk, read a romantic story and you will locate your serenity.

Happy Holidays!

Maintaining Serenity during Crisises of All Sorts

I know that it's been a while since I have last blogged about serenity - so I have a lot to say.

The past week has been incredibly hectic - first there was a trip to Pittsburgh (overnight) to see the Steelers beat the Redskins and have dinner with friends.  Then there was a Hurricane named Sandy who along with reeking havoc on the NJ shore and NYC area also impacted my scheduled closing for our new home (which is directly across the street from our rental).  The couple we purchased the townhouse from retired and wanted to move back home to Hungary.  Well with a little bit of luck and because we had no major issues, closing was held on the scheduled day just a few hours later than it was supposed to happen.  Now we own a townhouse and are still living in the rental townhouse across the street.

I must admit that moving across the street seems to be a hell of a lot easier than packing and moving across the state as we did a year and a half ago.

In the middle of all of this we deal with the every day issues - elections, heating system issues in the rental (now fixed), painters for the new home, a mother who had her 6th fall in 8 months, and my son moving back home.

Some how through all of this I have managed to maintain some small sense of serenity.  Even when my home was without heat on the main level I knew that when I climbed into bed under my covers with Sammy & Hercules at my feet (they're cats) and my Kindle I would be happy, serene and fall asleep content with the feeling that tomorrow will be better and it is.

Each day I start with a stretch, a couple of deep breaths and an excellent cup of coffee and begin again.

This is how to maintain serenity - one day at a time, one breath at a time.

I am looking forward to next week with movers, new appliances, a fabulous fundraising event for Power Up Gambia and settling into my own home, surrounded by beauty, family, pets and friends.

Maintain your Serenity each and every day

Serenity, Family and The Jewish New Year

This evening starts the celebration of Rosh Shana - the Jewish New Year.  It's a time to think about what has happened throughout the past year and look forward to the upcoming year.

This past year has brought forth a lot of change in my life - a new residence, new jobs for all of us (both kids and my husband), and health issues, but through it all I have tried sometimes successfully to maintain my level of serenity and happiness.

It has been comforting to be near my mother and sister and my children.  I have gained a lot of respect for my children both are now adults, my daughter recently changed her career path and is second in command/COO of a start-up Internet company, my son is currently an unemployed but brilliant artist whose has created posters and album art for several bands, he is currently trying to find work and applying for Master's Degree programs. I am very proud of them and honored to their mother.  Currently they are both hanging out in my living room involved in an in depth discussion of football (they are Fantasy Football opponents).

To me this is serenity - being surrounded by my family and celebrating the holidays.  As a part of this evening I will be hosting dinner at my home - it will be filled with family and friends, enjoying, eating, reminiscing, laughing and celebrating.

At this time of year I can overlook the meanness, the biting words, being ignored or dismissed and look only for the joy and happiness that I hope this year will bring.

But winning PowerBall would be a help as well.

To all that read this blog - L'Shana Tova - Happy Jewish New Year.
May your life be filled with happiness, health, joy and of course - Serenity!

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Serenity, Family and Mother's 83rd Birthday

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Serenity, Family and Mother's 83rd Birthday: Yesterday was August 4th, a very special day in my family.  In 1929 Doris Martin was born at home, the youngest of 3 sisters.  My mother and...

Serenity, Family and Mother's 83rd Birthday

Yesterday was August 4th, a very special day in my family.  In 1929 Doris Martin was born at home, the youngest of 3 sisters.  My mother and her sisters were first generation Americans, their father and mother were Russian Jews whose families were persecuted.

We celebrated my mother's birthday they way she wanted surrounded by family and friends at her synagogue on Sat morning and she was called up for an honor and to read from the Torah.  In the evening my sister had a relaxed dinner at her home ending with mother's favorite cake - Italian Rum Cake.  It was a day filled with laughter, chatting, eating, drinking, love and appreciation.  The only thing missing were 2 grandchildren who couldn't get away.

I have come to the conclusion that spending time surrounded by my family for the most part can be serene with moments of chaos.

By the way, last weekend I spent in New York City visiting and having fun and relaxation with my daughter.  The question on my mind how can anyone be serene in New York City, talk about chaos.  I know that the parks within and throughout the City provide a basis for a sense of serenity, but the city itself, no way.  So the key word in the paragraph was relaxation, not serenity.  I love New York City as a fun, exciting place to hang out, visit and play, but I am very happy to return to my home in the 'burbs, surrounded by greenery, grills, birds and the quietness of my home.

Serenity can be found in family, found in friends, found in religion, found in within your home and absolutely within yourself.

Serenity & Being 55

So, yesterday I turned 55 and it's strange but it doesn't bother me in the least.  Even when I turned 50 to me it was just another birthday.

Over the past year or maybe it's a little longer, I have worked at being happy with who I am and by doing that I have found 2 career paths that give meaning and excitement to my life.

During that time I made a decision to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop comparing myself to others around me, stop always needing approval and stop trying to fix everything.  I have chosen to be content with who I am.  What I can't figure out is why it has taken me my entire life to figure this out, but at least it happened while I am still fairly active and capable of making intelligent decisions.

I am looking forward to the next adventure that my life brings.  I look forward to surprises (like the dancing lessons my husband signed us up for - my birthday present), I look forward to family and friends and I look forward to the every day serenity in my life.

Join me in being happy with who you are, don't compare yourself to those around you.  The only person that you need to be happy with is you.

Find your serenity in the life that surrounds you.

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Serenity & The Best of Mother's Day

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Serenity & The Best of Mother's Day: Today was and for the most part still is Mother's Day and I spent it surrounded by my mother, my siblings, my husband, sister-in-law, brothe...

Serenity & The Best of Mother's Day

Today was and for the most part still is Mother's Day and I spent it surrounded by my mother, my siblings, my husband, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, a nephew, niece and one of my 2 children.  It was an afternoon of blissful serenity, loud conversation, good food and a beautiful sunny day.  We just missed 1 daughter and 2 nephews and a niece.

I have to admit that while it's work to feed this extended family, it is absolutely worth the job when it celebrates mother.  I remember that as a kid my mother taught Sunday school and each year brought a large box of colored tissues, pipe cleaners and a bottle of cologne so that the kids in her class could make their mothers beautiful flowers.  This year my brother brought roses for our mother, tulips for me and my sister so rather than beautiful paper flowers the house was filled with real flowers.

While family can be frustrating, sometimes aggravating, sometimes annoying they also are an infinite source of serenity and occasionally they are filled with humor.

Thank you to my family for helping me to maintain my sense of self, to maintain my focus and to loving me in spite of my inadequacies or maybe because of them.  You help me to maintain serenity in my life.

Thank you mom.

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Serenity can be Found in Family

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Serenity can be Found in Family: The past couple of days have been filled with family, friends, food and celebrating the holiday of Passover.  It's a lot of work, a lot of s...

Serenity can be Found in Family

The past couple of days have been filled with family, friends, food and celebrating the holiday of Passover.  It's a lot of work, a lot of shopping, prepping, cooking, re-arranging furniture to fit all the people at our sedar, but it's worth very bit of the stress and strain, because sitting at that table I was overwhelmed with the serenity that surged through out my soul.

There is something that happens when family and friends are sitting around a table, praying, conversing and enjoying a long multi course meal that just provides every with serenity.  It also does hurt that I am a fairly good cook, as is my sister (our 2nd sedar was at her house).

I have discovered something about myself these past few months and that is that I must be my best advocate.  I have learned how to put myself first and not cave into the the people that surround me.  So even at my own seder, I tried to keep it going smoothly.  This helps me to maintain my serenity even in times of stress.

In my last blog I asked for suggestions on dealing with the second job situation and I believe now in my heart that I will find the right situation for my best interest.

I will let you know what happens, hopefully next week.

Hope you are having a peaceful and serene Passover and/or Easter.

Lois

Can Serenity be Found by Changing Directions?

I feel that I have come to a crossroads in my life, again.  In 2011 I made a drastic change by selling my house and spending the summer surrounded by greenery and waterfalls and finally to the Philly area.  Then I found a position helping people in The Gambia a position which I love and don't want to give up.  So here's the question, can I also have a second career that is completely different and if so what would it be?

I love to write and I think I am pretty creative, so I've applied for entry level marketing type positions, but still no hits.  If I tell you my skills can any of help me find a new direction?

Creative, writer, excellent computer skill set, love doing research, love finding the person or corporation's buttons to push in order to propel them forward into giving money to the cause, plus other talents.

So help me locate a slight detour in my career.  I am convinced that each passing day is leading me to this challenge-a challenge that will excite my being and bring a new found serenity.

Serenity is Mine to Keep: "Finding Serenity when your one of your jobs sucks...

Serenity is Mine to Keep: "Finding Serenity when your one of your jobs sucks...: So, the question of the night is - can you find serenity when you don't enjoy the additional job you must work solely for income? I love my...

"Finding Serenity when your one of your jobs sucks"

So, the question of the night is - can you find serenity when you don't enjoy the additional job you must work solely for income?
I love my consulting.  I feel like I can help change the world in a small way by working with Power Up Gambia, but unfortunately I also have had to take on a second job to help pay the bills at least until my spouse is employed again.  Luckily we have not had to dip into savings, but it sucks!
The situation has brought me back to stress level and while I still bring myself back to serenity each night I feel the stress in multiple ways:
    1.  Since work starts at 9 and ends at 5:30 with a half hour for lunch and I spend most of my day sitting in an uncomfortable desk chair that's too large for my small frame, staring at a computer screen by the time I finish all I want to do is go home and get comfortable and work on PUG for an hour or 2.  What I should be doing is going to the gym and a couple of days I have done that.
    2.  Since I don't get exercise during the day it's difficult to feel happy at the end of the day.  I will say that drinking cold green tea or water all day long helps me, because it gives me a reason to get up and to walk to the Ladies Room at the end of the hall.  I am looking forward to having a couple of nice warmish days to walk around the grounds.
It does help that on Monday and Friday I work for PUG and work out at the gym both days as well as on the weekend.
I also have spent my weekends experimenting with making my own granola.  Today's batch is fabulous.
Since I am a type 1 diabetic I decided to try and come up with a healthy granola that's low in sugar, high in nutrients.  I think I may have come up with a great combination.
So in answer to the question - can you find serenity when you don't enjoy your job - YES You can, because it's just a job, it's not a career and hopefully eventually the career will be what you can enjoy and get meaning from.  I know that this is on the horizon.  I will never again allow myself to lose sight of maintaining serenity in my life.
Now if I can just perfect my granola and make a million dollars.

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Can you find Serenity in Playing Power Ball?

Serenity is Mine to Keep: Can you find Serenity in Playing Power Ball?: Okay, I'll admit it I played Power Ball last night, I mean it was $330 million why not and of course I was disappointed that I didn't win. ...

Can you find Serenity in Playing Power Ball?

Okay, I'll admit it I played Power Ball last night, I mean it was $330 million why not and of course I was disappointed that I didn't win.  I truly thought I had a chance and I certainly had a plan for the money.  After paying off my kids student loans and my car payment, I was planning to pay it forward with a portion of the winnings.  I am positive that I would be able to maintain my serenity as a millionaire and I still have hopes that one day it will happen, but sadly it wasn't today.  I always wonder about the people who win these lotteries and it changes your life.  I'd like to think that inwardly I wouldn't change that much, but that kind of money has to change things and would it be difficult to maintain peace and serenity in your life when everyone wants a piece of you?

After many years of writing grants to foundations, I have always had a dream in my head, of course, to have my own foundation, distributing funds to organizations that show promise and purpose, but I digress this blog is about serenity not about power and money.

This past weekend has finally brought my mother home from her rehabilitation center to improve her walking and stability.  She has a lovely woman helping her with household tasks and is receiving physical therapy and occupational therapy.  After the past month of rehab and hospital it is a welcome relief.  Once the broken clavicle has completely healed, I am positive that she will be stronger then she has been in quite a while.  Today was a day of complete calmness for me and a step towards the return of serenity.

I spent the day relaxing, watching Downton Abby and making a very larger pot of 17 bean soup.  I did no work, no housecleaning only a 2.5 mile walk on the treadmill this morning.  It was an absolutely fabulous Sunday.  I have finishing eating a bowl of my soup and am very content and serene surrounded by sleeping cats, posting on my blog and awaiting for the Grammys to begin.

The week begins with a new second job, a mother who is on her way to good health and serenity each and ever day.

Finding Serenity During a Crisis

The past week has been very trying for me personally and it has been difficult to locate serenity.

On Wednesday my 84 year mother fell down a flight of steps as I was standing next to her.  She misstepped and landed head first at the bottom of the steps.  This amazing woman never lost consciousness and kept right on talking with the doctor (she fell outside her doctor's office), the nurses, staff and eventually the EMS.  She was not happy when they had to cut-off her coat to place her in a brace and on a backboard.  Even on the ambulance ride she kept right on conversing with the EMS attendants.  CAT Scans, X-Rays, multiple tests later she has a bruised left side, 2 staples in the back of her head, and a broken right clavicle.

We had hoped that she would be released on Friday, but some complications have set in, i.e., elevated counts on enzymes and 2 days of altered state where she doesn't know where she is, what day or year it is or who we are.  It seems to happen in reaction to dosing with the pain killers.

I know in my mind that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the fall but I still feel guilty that somehow I should have done something more to stabilize her on the steps.  So with the guilt it is difficult to find serenity.

Tomorrow I will try to do my part for the Martin Luther King Day of Caring buy taking her place at the Annual Blood Drive at her synagogue (she is in charge of the blood drive and has been for several years).  Tomorrow she will be moved to a rehabilitation step down facility to help get her walking with steadier steps, so that she can return to her home(my childhood home).  She is a truly amazing woman.  I don't know if she finds serenity each day but I am sure that her constant dedication to others around help her find peace each day.

I can only hope that some day I will have earned one half the respect she has for the world and people around her.  Perhaps as this week goes on and she begins to improve quickly I will once again find my daily serenity, but as this week begins I think that I have learned an important life lesson -  sometimes you may temporarily misplace your serenity due to an unforeseen circumstance, the key is to know that it is only a temporary setback and that shortly serenity will return.

Serenity is never lost completely, it's just misplaced for a little bit.

Look for Serenity All Around You in 2012

Well it's a new year and people keep asking me what are my new year resolutions?   I have decided that it's best to look for new ways to find serenity in each day - that is my resolution.

By locating serenity in the day I hope that it will also bring clarity, a healthy existence and I am positive that it certainly will bring the day to a happy close.

No I am not a person who is over the top optimistic or one of those obnoxiously happy people - I am a realist who believes that I can find a moment of serenity in each day.

It requires patience and carving out a few moments to reflect and detox from the day that surrounded us.
I recommend that everyone who reads this post start out the new year by spending a few moments at the end of each day in a dark, quiet spot with soft music, I prefer meditation music to just breath deeply, relax your muscles and slow down your brain activity and find your inner peace.  I am fairly sure you will sleep better and wake up looking forward to the new day.

I consider myself lucky to have the ability to do this each and every day, even when I traveled to NYC for New Year's eve at the NY Philharmonic and then toasting the New Year with champagne, my husband and friends I went to bed feeling happy with my earbuds, iPhone and music setup to Musical Massage and drifted off to an excellent night's sleep and awoke to a brand new year full of possibilities and hopefully filled with happiness and serenity.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  May you have a joyous and serene 2012.