Finding Serenity During a Crisis

The past week has been very trying for me personally and it has been difficult to locate serenity.

On Wednesday my 84 year mother fell down a flight of steps as I was standing next to her.  She misstepped and landed head first at the bottom of the steps.  This amazing woman never lost consciousness and kept right on talking with the doctor (she fell outside her doctor's office), the nurses, staff and eventually the EMS.  She was not happy when they had to cut-off her coat to place her in a brace and on a backboard.  Even on the ambulance ride she kept right on conversing with the EMS attendants.  CAT Scans, X-Rays, multiple tests later she has a bruised left side, 2 staples in the back of her head, and a broken right clavicle.

We had hoped that she would be released on Friday, but some complications have set in, i.e., elevated counts on enzymes and 2 days of altered state where she doesn't know where she is, what day or year it is or who we are.  It seems to happen in reaction to dosing with the pain killers.

I know in my mind that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the fall but I still feel guilty that somehow I should have done something more to stabilize her on the steps.  So with the guilt it is difficult to find serenity.

Tomorrow I will try to do my part for the Martin Luther King Day of Caring buy taking her place at the Annual Blood Drive at her synagogue (she is in charge of the blood drive and has been for several years).  Tomorrow she will be moved to a rehabilitation step down facility to help get her walking with steadier steps, so that she can return to her home(my childhood home).  She is a truly amazing woman.  I don't know if she finds serenity each day but I am sure that her constant dedication to others around help her find peace each day.

I can only hope that some day I will have earned one half the respect she has for the world and people around her.  Perhaps as this week goes on and she begins to improve quickly I will once again find my daily serenity, but as this week begins I think that I have learned an important life lesson -  sometimes you may temporarily misplace your serenity due to an unforeseen circumstance, the key is to know that it is only a temporary setback and that shortly serenity will return.

Serenity is never lost completely, it's just misplaced for a little bit.