I'm afraid. I'm fearful that every time I walk out my door or get into my car I'm going to come back with COVID and yes I'm in the high risk group, not only due to my age but also because I'm a T1D (Type 1 Diabetic), so I'm afraid. During the past month when people were protesting I wanted to be out there with them, expressing my outrage over the plethora of deaths caused by police, the deaths caused by ignorance, the deaths caused by hatred, but I realized that I didn't want to risk my life by being in large crowds. I would need to express my outrage in a different way. I'm still trying to figure out the best way, but this blog is about how to find serenity in our everyday lives, so that's what I will concentrate on.
Last night I had a really bad night's sleep. I was obsessing over a grant I had submitted through the federal governments website, it's something that happens to me every time I submit a grant through a portal. I always think that I've forgotten something, clicked the wrong button, etc and this time was no different, the obsession overtook the sleep. I swear I tried everything in my own playbook to bring the serenity back into play, but no luck. I finally gave up, came downstairs, ate breakfast, dressed and sat down at my desk to double-check everything and of course, everything was just fine. I think this must be some really weird quirk in my personality and I'm going to have to find a way to get it under control. I have to learn to let things go, not just in work but also in life. You can't control everything, nor should you try.
This is a fear of failure, Fear has become part of our daily lives now. We turn on the news, or read email, our social media, websites and it's in our face. At some point during the day I have made it my mission to disconnect from all of this input. I have actually taken to having a full hour long lunch break. I eat, I do my word search and I read romance novels. This is my break from the real world. It's escapism and it's how I've learned to deal with the fear and bring back serenity. Last night or rather very early this morning, when I couldn't fall back asleep, I finally gave in and picked up my romance novel and read for 45 minutes before I dozed back off. It helped me close down the fear temporarily and silence my brain.
My recommendation for the days ahead. Decompress, escape from the noise, escape from the fear, close your eyes, take a breathe and visualize beauty in the world, it will eventually return to us and for the moment let's just see it in our minds.
I read romance novels and photograph flowers, sunsets and nature that surrounds me to remind me of the beauty in the world and that's what calms my mind and brings me serenity.
Take time in our day to find yours.
