Sadness, Serenity and Hope

Last week my cousin was killed crossing the street to catch a bus.  It was a horrifying phone call and shock spread through my being.  After a few moments I morphed into my role as one of the helpful family members, asking what I could do to help organize and get things moving forward.  The next few days were filled with a lot more phone calls, travel arrangements and trying my best to be a comfort to my cousins.   I didn't really put time away for uncovering my feelings or emotions and that was not a good thing.

The day of the funeral it was grey, but not raining yet and I was also filled with sadness since that same day nine years before my father (their uncle) had passed away.  It was a profound and deep feeling that made it hard to breathe.

The differences were there as well.  My father had been ill and passed away quietly surrounded by his immediate family, my cousin on the other hand died suddenly and unexpectedly surrounded by strangers.

How can you locate your serenity when you have a week like last week?

For a few days I didn't have the ability to locate my serenity nor did I particularly want to.  I just simply moved through the days.  That changed at the end of the week.  What was the change?  It started with going out to dinner with my sister (something we hadn't done in quite a while due to our hectic schedules) where we ate, casually toasting our father, breathing deeply and talking about our kids, doing a day trip together and the upcoming wedding of our cousin on the other side of the family.

That night I slept better than I had for 3 days.  Over the weekend I walked a trail in a local park taking photos of changing fall colors, enjoying sunshine and warm temperatures and watching ducks, geese and kids eating ice cream cones.  It was just what I needed to bring back my serenity.  It filled me with renewed hope.

Seasons change, children find joy in ducks, geese and ice cream and as adults we must move through life adapting, changing, finding our way through sadness to locate our serenity and our hope.

It's been quite a week, but now that my serenity has been located (it was probably always there, I just misplaced it for a few days).  Life is full of hope.