Sadness, Stress and Serenity

 So it's been a very stressful month for me personally.  In the past few weeks my work partner passed away suddenly, just simply dropped dead from a massive heart attack, a day later my cousin's wife was struck and killed by a car a block from where her husband was killed 4 years ago and I learned the stress of having to deal with a significant disruption to the workplace.

I will admit that this past 2 weeks have been enormously difficult to locate any serenity at all.  It has also made me very thoughtful about seizing the moment in my life.

Over the past week and a half I have spent a lot of time realizing just how little of ourselves we share with our family and friends.  My partner had a lot of knowledge about our operations stored in his head and since there was just the 2 of us I realize that I never took the responsibility to learn all his operational knowledge, I always thought that there would be more time.  This is what has me stressed, do I even have the capacity to learn everything I need for continuing our operations, or is best to bring closure to our center and try and move in a different direction.  This has been weighing on me very heavily.

This has also made me look at my own self.  How much of myself do I actually share and how much do I keep inside.  I have a fear of being judged, so instead I deflect away from my own issues and yes I've tried therapy, but when you have a fear of constantly being judged for your decisions, I don't really think that it was helpful since I probably didn't share the right things with the therapist.

There's a lot in the air right at the moment, but there is also a lot to be thankful for.  I have wonderful children who when they learned of the events of the past few weeks, make sure to text and call to ask me how I'm holding up.  I have siblings who do the same and spouse who knows I'm in distress.

All around me I am looking for the joy in the world.  My family is fully vaccinated, my husband's vegetable garden is starting to sprout and we have already picked a few strawberries from our patch.  The US is beginning to open back up, summer outdoor concerts are being announced and although we still have to wear masks ( I've actually gotten really comfortable wearing the mask) our lives are beginning to return.  But the question will be returning to what?

Will we ever to able to put aside our anger, our devisiveness, our meanness and find joy, happiness and serenity in our daily lives?  Each night as I attempt to find sleep and some calmness in my stressful day I try to think of little joys that came through, a phone call, a funny meme, a news store that focused on a happy outcome, this is what is helping me keep some serenity in my daily life.

Sorry, stress and sadness will eventually pass, it's up to us to move forward with joy and serenity.

Thanks for reading.

Find Serenity Each and Every Day of Your Life.